Oscar Week... Oscar Night Recap

Last night's Oscar telecast was probably the most boring one I can ever remember.  A scroll through the appropriately-themed Twitter posts by industry types seems to ratify this conclusion.  When once-perennial host Billy Crystal made his appearance you can see the jump in tweeting activity like a seismograph needle gone berserk: "Bring Billy back!" was the overriding sentiment, "Or else please just kill me now."  Personally, I don't necessarily miss the Crystal shtick on Oscar night from what best I can recollect - sure, he added a lot of pizzazz that seemed noticeably absent from co-hosts James Franco and Anne Hathaway, but the Crystal-MC'd awards went on for substantially longer than the relatively lean three hours of last night's ceremony, and after a few years, BC's song-and-dance routines and self-satisfied humor, amusing though these were, became grating and tired.  I think the idea behind having Franco and Hathaway host subsequent to the uber-bad Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin debacle of last year (in fairness, Baldwin has a good enough sense of humor that he came on board to join in poking fun at himself for that catastrophe) was to inject some youthful exuberance into the proceedings.  Last night's hosts were charming and appealing.  They were just underused, and as always we spent way too much time listening to the winners read lists of names.

I could definitely have done without the four best-original-song performances that were for some incomprehensible reason split up into two spaced-apart, but no less mind-numbing, pairs.  After pair one I was ready to slit my wrists from boredom and apathy.  Was it really necessary to break and reload for a second excruciating session?  Why couldn't the show have done as I seem to recall they have done before and just roll out the nominees in a brief, succinct medley format, or, better yet, done away with live performances altogether?  Far too much screen time was devoted to songs no one gives a shit about (if I may let my own feelings speak for all); meanwhile, when the show finally dragged itself to the big gun acting awards, clips for each nominee couldn't have been ten seconds long.  I think it is safe to say that people watch the Oscars for the major categories.  Focus on those.  Fuck the songs.

Things started off with a good rhythm.  The show-opening montage with Franco and Hathaway digitally interacting inside of scenes from the Best Picture candidates was cool and imaginative, displaying a high degree of technical difficulty.  Inaugural presenter and dirty old man Kirk Douglas was a hoot.  Surprise Supporting Actress winner Melissa Leo's f-bomb was hilarious and real and energetic - why can't participants be encouraged to be candid like this?  Certainly makes listening to what winners have to say sound a lot more interesting than watching them unfold a prepared speech and start thanking the catering ladies and key grips.  Producers - and by extension federal broadcasting authorities - worried about maintaining their "PG" rating for the program can probably relax about the odd profanity.  Newsflash: people swear.  They do.  But hey, it's okay- I'm quite confident no one is going to be a worse person for hearing some unrestrained jubilation on live TV.  And back to the opening montage: this kind of shit clearly works.  It's impressive and fun.  Why can't there be more things like this throughout the night and less "Here's what it looked like when Bob Hope hosted the Oscars prior to the Cold War"?  If you're going for youth with your hosts, perhaps give some consideration to the likewise demographic of viewership.  Newslfash number two: no one under 30 (the audience I would be most focused on pleasing) gives a flying fuck about Bob Hope.  Sorry.

As far as the awards winners themselves: no surprises for the main acting categories (Natalie Portman, Colin Firth), directing (Tom Hooper - enjoyed his little anecdote), picture (King's Speech), all the technical categories (Inception), writing (Speech and Social Network), or musical score (Trent Reznor).  I was taken off guard by Christian Bale's win for supporting actor.  Really thought Geoffrey Rush had it in the bag.  Bale was good in The Fighter.  He is obviously a total douche in real life, though.  What in blazes was he on about in his acceptance speech?

It seems pretty evident to me that the program's producers really wanted to push for brevity with this year's show.  The expense of entertainment to bridge envelope-opening segments was probably a poor choice.  Roger Ebert complained that James Franco was "deer-in-the-headlights" - I thought Franco looked like he was just having a good time, maybe stoned.  Sure he was obviously reading his lines, but in between scripting he was clearly taking it all in, relishing the moment.  Wouldn't you?  (On his website you can watch little videos Franco made of the night with his cellphone.  Such as this one.  Pretty neat if you ask me - adds a whole new dynamic to the AAs... a fittingly contemporary one.)  Anne Hathaway was also charismatic - and they let her have some fun with her little musical number.  I liked the hosts, personally.  I like having new hosts every year.  Why not?  Change is good.  Just, you know, give them something to do while they're on stage, or else don't be surprised if they space out and bask in the scenery all evening.

What we needed last night was more audience shots.  More famous people mugging for the camera - isn't that what the Oscars is all about when it comes down to it?  Where was the Hollywood royalty?  No Jack Nicholson, no Clint Eastwood, no Meryl Streep.  Wouldn't it have been something else if someone like, say, Mel Gibson, or celebrity punchline-du-jour Charlie Sheen made an appearance?  Or a pleasant-surprise cameo from a Woody Allen type of persona?  No Leo with Inception up for so many awards?  No Bob DeNiro, no Pacino?  This broadcast was sorely lacking a segment with Ben Stiller as a blue-tinted Avatar creature complete with a linguistic Avatar parody, and then a shot of a pissed-off-looking, self-righteous Jim Cameron looking on.  None of that on this night.  For my liking there was too much Oprah Winfrey and Celine Dion (maybe I might change my mind about these two when I enter menopause).  Too much 'Random Guy At The Oscars' - the camera kept cutting to this one dude who I have never seen before and don't expect to see again.  Hope he enjoyed himself.

Anyway.  It's over now.  Back to not worrying about watching all the nominees in time for the Academy Awards.  I'm ready to start seeing some unabashedly shitty movies again.  The list is getting long.  Hall Pass, Drive Angry, that new lame-looking Adam Sandler movie, the alien invasion movie that's coming up - I'm on board for all of that... but then comes having to wade through months and months of sequels, remakes, reboots, based-ons, adaptations (granted, I am eagerly and/or moderately anticipating one or two of these - namely a sequel to The Hangover and, sadly enough, what will probably be a really sucky entry into the generally already-sucky Scream franchise)... before we're right back here griping about how dull it all really is.

Sometimes the movie industry really seems like it is falling to utter pieces.  The troublesome part is how little I actually care.

"Oprah... Uma.  Uma... Oprah."  I guess at least the 2011 Academy Awards weren't David Letterman-bad.